A Compulsive Perfectionist is someone who, as a child, achieved attention only for significant successes and were ignored or sternly criticized for anything less. They were discouraged from showing their intense feelings and were severely chastened for expressing anger or frustration. Their parents were emotionally cold and distant and uncomfortable with physical expressions of affection or intimacy. Perfectionists value logic and order. For them, feelings and relationships are like ants at a picnic, unwanted. Perfectionists are prone to depression, especially after losing control of some aspect of their lives. They are also vulnerable to anxiety problems and worry. When they worry it only intensifies their compulsive perfectionism leading to irritable and cantankerous behavior. If you are in need of counseling or know someone who does, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
The Exiled or Disconnected person is robed in self-sufficiency and does not feel the need for acceptance or approval from others. They may in fact have little desire to connect at all. They believe they must exclusively count on themselves to provide psychological and emotional support. Typically the exiled or disconnected person cuts themselves off from people and looks inward to a world of fantasy to find pleasure and comfort. To those around this person it may appear that they look cold, distant, and aloof. The exiled person has learned to fend for oneself and Latchkey kids are prone to develop this relational style. For the exiled person, depending on others for emotional support provokes anxiety, which leads to profound feelings of vulnerability. The exiled person derives little if any pleasure from interacting with others and can come across as having a sense of superiority. This is not like the puffed-up superiority of the narcissist. The exiled person barricades themselves from their emotions. Life appears bland and colorless. It is calm, cool, and without much intensity. Lastly for the exiled person there is a longing for connectedness but the fear of being overwhelmed and controlled by others blunts this desire. If you are in need of counseling or know someone who does, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Narcissism is a state of excessive, inflated self-love. This sense of self-love is considered a false self, because below the layer of superiority festers a deeply rooted sense of worthlessness. Successful narcissists, especially those in the entertainment business (this can include athletes), the political arena, those who do public speaking for a living, and even in Christian ministry, can be manipulative and are in a position to easily exploit others. These individuals frequently surround themselves with a staff of extremely devoted followers who have committed themselves to providing their charismatic boss with uninterrupted adulation. Narcissists become even more self-absorbed under stress and when they receive negative feedback, they become angry and contemptuous. They will defend their actions no matter how indefensible these actions may seem and even go on a counterattack challenging their critic for having the gall to confront them. Unfortunately the problems go unaddressed and may even get worse. Narcissism can be treated through therapy. If you are in need of counseling or know someone who does, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
When avoidant people are asked to describe their parents, they use generalities like “wonderful, great, warm, loving, and kind.” However when asked to provide specific examples of when their parents behaved this way, they are unable to provide specific examples. They want to believe this really happened but have no specific experience to back it up. Insensitive parenting includes “dismissive” parenting where a parent dismisses a child’s emotions, especially the negative ones. “Rejecting” parenting involves a parent who is emotionally disengaged from the child even from early on as an infant. “Intrusive” parenting is too much of a good thing and a failure on the part of the parent to be attuned to the child in a way that honors their freedom to choose. It is a failure to read subtle cues. If you are in need of counseling or know someone who does, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
People who have an avoidant attachment style find it difficult to listen sensitively to the thoughts and feelings of others. They also don’t like to disclose their private thoughts and experiences and they are turned off by tenderness and touch. Why is this? Because growing up they felt abandoned and rejected. They learned to hide uncomfortable thoughts and feelings and distance themselves from their feelings. This includes the desire for emotional closeness. Avoidant persons can seem tough and hard on the outside and even develop a “protected self.” The closer one tries to get to an avoidant person the more defensive they may become. If you are in need of counseling or know someone who does, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
There three components of a loving relationship are: (1) having an emotional connection with others, (2) being able to disclose private thoughts and feelings, and (3) participating in nonsexual touch. When you demonstrate or show sensitivity and responsiveness to the feelings of others it creates emotional connection. It implies not only understanding but also empathy, the ability to see the world through another’s eyes. Disclosure is the cornerstone of intimacy. Think “in-to-me-see.” We become vulnerable when we share out most intimate and personal thoughts and experiences with those we are connected to. Lastly, everyone needs touch especially kids. Nonsexual touch is linked to the release of oxytocin. Oxytocin is called the “cuddled hormone”. If you are in need of marriage counseling or need some counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.