Make That Change

Fostering a closer connection in marriage may involve being the first to change. Husbands and/or wives often say, “Why should I change first? I am tired of giving and never getting anything back.” These words are often the words heard when this course of action is first suggested in counseling. With this change might come vulnerability and vulnerability means risk. And taking a risk is what got a spouse hurt in the first place. You either don’t want to be criticized again or you don’t trust that your spouse will be there for you and listen to what you have to say. Old relational wounds may open up again and you would rather just keep your distance or not even bother bringing it up again. So why should you change? Because you are the only one you have control over and you cannot simply abandon a relationship because it gets uncomfortable. Pride, resentfulness, and fear should not prevent you from fulfilling your marital vows. You must make every reasonable effort to fulfill those vows. Couples either grow closer together or they grow apart and that is not good for your emotional health. What are you doing right now to grow closer to your spouse? How are you changing? Where are you stretching yourself? What quality in yourself do you want to work and improve on? Oddly enough if you take the initial step to change it usually does work.  If you are in need of marriage counseling or need some counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at