Sexual Addiction – Part Four

So what does a “perfect storm” look like for a sex addict? First the truth emerges. Addiction can only thrive in deception. Sex addiction requires compartmentalization and duplicity. Addicts typically believe in secrecy as the solution. Yet there are no secrets. Something happens to expose the reality and this creates a strong reaction in those around the addict. Second there is damage control by the addict which only makes it worse. Addicts will acknowledge the truth in bits and pieces as they have to. They will resort to dishonesty in the hope that no more facts come out. Then as more facts emerge, they have to admit to more lying which in turn further undermines whatever credibility they have. Spouses often refer to this as Chinese Water Torture. They are worn down by the dishonesty. Next the spouse or loved one becomes a seasoned private investigator. Armed with a heightened sense of distrust and anxiety the loved one becomes obsessed with the addict. They become “forensic” accountants in an effort to find out the truth. Unfortunately they are usually rewarded with more to discover. When an addict discloses the truth or even part of it, the net effect on the spouse is traumatic because it involves “sex” and the wounding is thus “amplified.” It is by comparison easier to understand if someone chooses alcohol over you, but if the disease is about other sexual partners, it is harder to accept. Yet truth and full disclosure does help because it lays bare that the addict clearly has a problem.  If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at