This Christmas season try something different for a movie experience. Go see a performing arts group that presents via a movie theater. Last weekend I saw “Don Giovanni” by W. A. Mozart and it was a rebroadcast of a live performance from the opening night of a new production at the La Scala Opera House in Milan, Italy. The theater, in Kansas City, Missouri, was the Tivoli and though it was a little long, it was very good and featured very famous singers. There are other shows during this Christmas season including “The Magic Flute” by Mozart and the ballet “Sleeping Beauty” by Tchaikovsky. “Don Giovanni” is quite a character for psychological study because though he is quite charming, he is really only out for his own pleasure. There is probably more excitement for him in the actual chase/seduction than in the ultimate physical liaison with the women. He is empty inside and ultimately his life has little meaning. Hence the attempt to fill it up with something so fleeting. The opposite of “love” is “use”, not “hate”, and Don Giovanni could care less about the women’s feelings or their dignity. The lead in the La Scala production not only sang very well but he was very convincing as a man without much of a conscience. So, think about something different for Christmas. And remember, if you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Here are some ways a young woman can claim the respect they deserve. First, dress in a way appropriate to your dignity. Don’t walk around sending a message that your body is the best part of you. This implies that your heart, mind, and soul aren’t so important. Say with your modesty “I am worth waiting to see.” Second, refuse to sleep with a man until you have his wedding ring on your finger. If he really loves you, he will wait. The respect you have for yourself and for each other will carry over into your marriage. Third, set your standards high on who you will date. A real man will rise up to meet your standards, but if you stoop and lower yours to his, you will have much to regret. Be patient, amazing men do exist! Lastly be willing to confront any guy who ogles you with his eyes or touches you inappropriately. Firmly and respectfully (and maybe in private) let him know that this is completely unacceptable. Parents do not be afraid to talk to your sons and daughters about this sensitive issue. It can save everyone a lot of heartache. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
There is more to this fear of abandonment but it is important to consider for a moment antidotes to this problem that so many people encounter in this harried world. If you are a parent then guard against becoming a reactive parent. Instead become a proactive parent. The lessons you want your children to learn are often taught best during times of emotional intensity. It is easy to learn the truth about things on an intellectual level but if the lesson is not reinforced during times of emotional intensity, it is probably not learned. Ask yourself this, “Can your child behave in a balanced, emotionally healthy way when chaos and pressure break out?” It is primarily within the volcano of emotional stress where children learn about themselves and others. For a good example of how this can be done, see the movie “The Descendants” with George Clooney and watch carefully how his character reacts to the unfolding tragedy in his life. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
The problem with being a “people pleaser” is that no one can please everyone all the time and children who try to do this walk through their childhoods as if on eggshells. The slightest misstep for these children seems to destine them for anger, disappointment, or even rejection. A “fragile self” develops and the child is filled with strong but ambivalent emotions. Sometimes they feel intense love, sometimes intense hate. A person with an ambivalent attachment style evolves from an emotionally brittle climate that revolves around two opposing poles: one of living on borrowed time and that at any moment they will be left on their own to fend for themselves, or one of being smothered in hugs and good feelings and knowing they have never lived in a better, more caring environment. There is the momentary assurance of believing that no one who loves this much could ever leave them. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Have you ever heard the expression, “people pleasers?” Sadly some children grow up continually playing this game as they wonder how their parents feel toward them. They are preoccupied with Mom and/or Dad’s feelings towards them: Do they love me or not? There is tentativeness in their mind and the child is not sure where they stand. Why is this so? Because from early on in their lives they have struggled with the notion that their parents might leave them. As a result, perpetual “people pleasers” mold themselves to their parents expectations and then later to the expectations of others they love. They become dancers who are always on a stage. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
The state of “inwardness” for avoidant people leads to some disturbing tendencies including addictive behaviors or intimacy substitutes. These intimacy substitutes include an excessive fantasy life, Internet addictions (including pornography), eating disorders, substance abuse, shopping sprees, and compulsive thrill seeking behavior such as driving fast or other types of high-risk behaviors. Another disturbing tendency is an angry resentment of God called volitional doubt. This involves turning away from God and pursuing vice or sinful habits. Volitional doubt is a belief that “God is not really there for me; I have prayed and prayed; yet He never comes through; I don’t need Him; I just need me.” Many atheists have a notably avoidant relational style. They rely on no one, including God. Thus there is no desire to learn about God and avoidant people have stopped seeking Him, stopped praying, and given up on the church community. God is seen as merely making sure nothing goes wrong in their lives. So when things do go wrong in their lives, they blame God. However God’s purpose is not to make sure things don’t go wrong in life. They do! One of God’s roles is to provide comfort but the avoidant person only wants to do that for themselves and push on without coming to a place of honesty. If you are in need of counseling or know someone who does, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.