From a scientific standpoint we now understand so much more about sexual addiction. For example the brain categorizes sex 20% faster than any other stimulus. Sex taps into the same neural chemical processes other addictions do. We now have large samples of data that allow for therapists/psychologists to understand the cause (or factors that contribute) to sexual addiction. There are a lot of researchers who have looked at treatment models that can be effective in helping a client. In fact the willingness to enter into the process of recovery is a benchmark for returning to normal functioning. Reluctance indicates a lack of trust and can reinforce patterns of behavior no longer helpful to the client. Being open with a trusted person is the start of healing whether it be in individual counseling or a group setting. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Tag Archives: Lamar
Sexual Addiction – Part One
The more time I spend in the counseling office the more I am discovering that addiction to pornography is an all too common problem especially for men (not that this doesn’t affect women as well). A broader term for this area might be referred to as sexual addiction and the complaints usually center around lost time, money spent, and deteriorating circumstances within significant relationships. When the losses are great such as a divorce or loss of job then the behavior rises to the level of an addiction. Sex addicts weave a web of lies around their compartmentalized lives. For the therapist and client, therapy does not work well without the whole or entire picture. Research appears to indicate that sex addicts can take up to two years or longer to commit to a treatment process even though they know they inevitably have to face it. “Commitment” can often start with the “perfect storm” which usually includes something so disastrous, so painful and so costly that the addict accepts the inevitable, surrendering and asking for help. So the sooner an addict can become totally honest, the sooner treatment can begin. Total honesty is the first place for the addict to begin even though “full disclosure” can appear as a very daunting and overwhelming task. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
The Selling of Sex
SEE SEX YOUNG, HAVE SEX YOUNG. A recent study (published in April of 2006) entitled “Sexy Media Matter: Exposure to Sexual Content in Music, Movies, Television, and Magazines Predicts Black and White Adolescents’ Sexual Behavior” revealed that this type of exposure accelerates white adolescents’ sexual behavior and increases their risk of engaging in early sexual intercourse. White youths who were subjected to repeated exposures of sexual content were 2.2 times more likely to have sex between the ages of 14 and 16 than those who viewed much less of such material. Those who have fewer alternative sources of sexual norms, such as parents or friends, may turn to the media as a kind of “super peer” that encourages them to be sexually active. Think about sending your 12-year-old son to the mailbox to get the mail and he encounters a Victoria’s Secret catalogue where the cover shot features a gorgeous brunette in a pink bra and panties with a “come hither” look. Many magazines and billboards feature people with perfect bodies wearing next to nothing or clothes that leave little to the imagination. Over time how would that affect the way all of us judge ourselves or others? How much pressure does this put on young girls and boys to look and dress a certain way? This objectification of men and women has gotten markedly worse in recent years and it is very hard to escape. Many parents come to counseling with this concern and it does little good to tell them “just turn it off” because we are literally under siege by this selling of sex everywhere you turn. The daily bombardment affects all of us. Consider the number of marriages ruined by the pornography industry and yet we are told “we are only giving people what they want.” If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Where Do You Stand? Part Three
In 1997 a freshman senator from Pennsylvania leveled strong criticism at Catholic Charities because the organization was opposed to welfare-reform legislation. Rick Santorum said welfare hurt rather than helped poor families. So Catholic Charities made a Faustian deal with the U.S. government meaning “we will take your support and turn a blind eye to some of the discrepancies we are noticing in some of your anti-life policies.” And on and on it went until we had a startling statement in 2009 from Sister Carol Keehan the head of the Catholic Health Association, “The Catholic Health Association applauds the US House of Representatives and President Obama for enacting health care legislation that will bring security and health to millions of American families.” The only problem with her boldness in proclaiming this was the fact that the U.S. Catholic Bishops opposed the legislation fearing significant conflict with the church’s beliefs. So we arrive at the point where the government demands that the Catholic Church continue with its limitless acts of virtue while the government expects limitless compliance to policies that crush life in innumerable ways. Pope John Paul II stood on American soil and stated that the West is a “culture of death.” Why didn’t we take him seriously and perhaps with childlike innocence look to that firm hand of correction with a more open and teachable attitude? Selfishness and self-love dominate our culture while charity almost seems an aberration. Why didn’t someone tell Sister Keehan that she does not speak for the Catholic Church? So many well-intentioned people get confused by these types of remarks. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Where Do You Stand? Part Two
So what is at the root of President Obama’s desire to uphold such an unjust law and to continue to find ways to alienate and attack strong-believing Christians and people of many other faith backgrounds? Well Stephen Covey in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” notes in habit #5 “Seek First to Understand, Then be Understood.” This is actually a hallmark of empathy, putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and seeing things from their perspective, especially the most defenseless of individuals. A person who struggles with a lack of empathy is someone who typically struggles with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (i.e. an extreme form of selfishness). We are called to graduate from the school of “selfishness” about the time in our lives when an adult such as a parent tells us to think about others and be concerned about their frailties and even help them. Obama did not receive this type of formation while growing up because it is clear that his lack of regard for human life at all stages is callous. In fact one could use the phrase “breathtaking callousness” to define the person of the president. He is not a man interested in the virtue of the greatest good for another human being and would rather take away freedom than be challenged (or try to even learn something new). In short, he is not at the moment teachable and thus there is no humility about this man. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Where Do You Stand? Part One
So what exactly has the Obama administration done to create a culture where the taking of innocent human life is a “normal” everyday activity? He has appointed two very pro-choice justices to the Supreme Court, Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor. Kagan helped direct a political strategy preventing the enactment of a ban on partial-birth abortions while Sotomayor helped direct litigation projects of an organization that filed multiple pro-abortion lawsuits, including challenges to parental notification requirements. Also whenever there is a threat at the federal government level or state government level to cut-off funding of Planned Parenthood, the Obama Administration continues to step in and run interference for this organization that has repeatedly been irresponsible and negligent. In March of 2009 President Obama issued an executive order to allow federal funding of research that requires the killing of human embryos. Common sense again would dictate that the constant killing of unborn children weakens our families and society in general. Karol Wojtyla, the late Pope John Paul II, knew quite well that governments will claim benevolence on behalf of doing whatever it thinks it needs to do in pursuit of its own goals. The Obama administration is doing just that, claiming good will and no harm when in fact there is much harm and irreparable damage being done to our society. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
A Human Being with Potential
As a counselor we often become advocates for our clients. We also might be called upon to advocate for those in our society who are helpless or treated unfairly such as the homeless or even those who might become drug addicted. So I would like to also mention the unborn children, those who are aborted and point out the current administration’s shortfalls in the area of protecting life. Abortion on demand was legalized on January 22nd, 1973 (38 years ago) and though there is enormous opposition to this Supreme Court ruling, the current administration under President Obama continues to wage war against the unborn. So much so, that it has become obvious that it is destroying our economy because we are eliminating individuals who would not only contribute to the growth of our economy but also contribute some very unique talents. “A child in the womb is not a potential human being, it is a human being with potential.” If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
The Conscience
So where does conscience come into play with this issue of whether one complies or not with an unjust law? Conscience is the interior voice of a human being, within whose heart the inner law of God is inscribed. Moral conscience is a judgment of practical reason about the moral quality of a human action. It moves a person at the appropriate moment to do good and avoid evil. Consider these words of John Henry Cardinal Newman, “Conscience is a messenger of Him, who, both in nature and in grace, speaks to us behind a veil, and teaches and rules by his representatives. Conscience is the aboriginal vicar of Christ.” Man has in his heart a law inscribed by God. Our conscience is man’s most secret core and sanctuary. Here are three things to consider: A conscience must be “informed” and moral judgment “enlightened”; the education of conscience is a lifelong task; and in the formation of conscience the “Word of God” is the light for our path. Now for three simple rules that apply in every case: 1) One may never do evil so that good may result from it; 2) Whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them; and 3) “Thus sinning against your brethren and wounding their conscience…you sin against Christ.” (1 COR 8:12) Anyone who is confronted by situations that make moral judgments less assured and decisions difficult must seriously seek what is right and good and discern the will of God expressed in divine law. To force the Catholic Church in the United States to comply with the HHS mandates is to force evil upon people whether they are believers or not because these mandates strike at the heart of the dignity of each and every human being. Catholics are not only fighting for their God-given rights but are also fighting for those who do not have a voice, the unborn and innocent. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Oppose This Proposed Mandate
Catholic Christians (and for that matter all people serious about the dignity of the human person) face a very serious attack on individual conscience rights and religious liberty undertaken by the Obama administration. The Catholic Bishops of the U.S. (including Archbishop Joseph Naumann of the Archdiocese of Kansas City in Kansas) oppose a U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) mandate that is part of the 2010 federal health care reform act-the Patient Protection and Affordability Act. Under HHS rules, all private health care plans will be required to cover contraception and sterilization as preventative care for women. All contraceptive methods-including certain abortifacients-would be covered without co-pays or other cost sharing. Thus Catholic employers will be forced to offer their employees health coverage that includes sterilization, abortion-inducing drugs, and contraception. This is an impossible situation that Catholics (and I hope other serious minded Christians) cannot accept and must resist. This is an unjust law and Archbishop Naumann has stated that “We cannot-we will not-comply with this unjust law.” I am reminded that in the Gospel when faced with overwhelming evil, Christ cajoled us to pray and fast. Also please contact your congressman or senator and insist this legislation be overturned. To borrow the words from a recent movie release, Christians need to unite and be “extremely loud and incredibly close” to this situation. Even if you think your political representatives believe what you believe, they need a show of courage and strength on the part of believers. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
The Weight of Your Behavior
If we are not careful we will find ourselves accompanied often by some of the most cherished, but dangerous, earthly companions: Power, Prestige, and Pleasure. Dr. Rob Gilbert notes, “First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits, or they will eventually conquer you.” Pietri Bandinelli was an attractive young man with clear eyes and a kind face. Leonardo da Vinci chose him to be his Jesus model for his painting “The Lord’s (or Last) Supper.” Years later Leonardo had not yet completed the painting but one day was finally moved to go to the slums of Milan, Italy and look for a model for Judas. After looking for about an hour, he found the perfect man. His eyes were cloudy and his face was harsh. A short time later while the man was posing he was asked by Leonardo if they had met before and the man responded that yes indeed they had, he was in fact the Jesus model. He went on to reveal that much had changed in his life since then, not much of it for the good. We can grow very weak under the weight of our misdeeds but they are being noted, tied all together, hung around our neck, and we will grow very weak beneath the weight of these deeds. Look carefully at power and control issues in your life. Are you overreaching? Do you seek notoriety to bring attention to yourself? What personal vices do you need to rid yourself of? A vice can seemingly start out as very pleasurable and rewarding but it soon can become a source of serious concern and trouble for a person. Excessive drinking, drugs, pornography, promiscuous sex, shopping, and gambling are all very serious vices and not easy habits to discard. These become vices because the individual is attempting to replace genuine human relationships with “things” that produce a fleeting reward with troubling consequences. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.