Forgiveness is a tool for resolving excessive anger in a variety of contexts and disorders. As stated before, forgiveness had been shown to decrease anger, anxiety, and depression and increase an individual’s sense of hope and self-esteem. Many individuals come to therapy because they have experienced considerable injustice from others, sometimes over years. Forgiveness is one of the direct routes to dealing with anger born out of injustice in a way that is constructive and healing. Forgiveness therapy is straightforward and many are now asking for this sort of help, “How do I forgive someone who has hurt me so badly?” Forgiveness therapy offers explicit approaches for altering thoughts about past events and people who have been unfair to an individual. Forgiveness therapy is a way for both client and therapist to examine situations where the client was (or still is) treated unfairly for the express purpose of helping the person to understand the offender, to learn to slowly let go of anger with this person and, over time, to make a moral response of goodness toward the offender(s). If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Tag Archives: marital counselor
The Healing of Forgiveness – Part One
For the next several posts, I thought we might consider the topic of forgiveness because simply put, people who forgive someone can greatly improve their emotional health. Research has shown (Dr. Robert Enright) that people who forgive can decrease anger, anxiety, and depression and increase self-esteem and hope following a forgiveness intervention. Forgiveness may be important in people’s emotional healing from events and relationships that cause considerable suffering even if these individuals do not have a psychiatric disorder per se. Some usual ideas about forgiveness fall into such categories such as “move on with your life” or “let go of the resentment.” However forgiveness of deep offenses from other people can be psychologically healing in many ways. Forgiveness has a specific task: to help people overcome resentment, bitterness, and even hatred toward people who have treated them unfairly and at times cruelly. Forgiveness is a specialist in quelling the kind of anger that debilitates the injured or wounded individual. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Have a Real Happy New Year
You are happy and mentally healthy if you enjoy being with most of the people you know especially family and friends. Generally you like people and are more than willing to help an unhappy family member, friend, or colleague to feel better. You lead a generally tension-free life, laugh a lot, and rarely suffer from the aches and pains that so many accept as the unavoidable parts of living. You enjoy life and have no trouble accepting that others are different from you. The last thing that should come to your mind is to criticize or try to change another person. You are creative in what you attempt and may enjoy more of your potential that you thought was possible. Since no one can be happy all of the time, even in difficult situations you know you are unhappy and you will attempt to do something about it. Consider those who have physical handicaps, this can often be a great occasion to witness sheer joy on the face of another human being. If you are curious about mental health read “The Myth of Mental Illness” by Thomas Szasz published in 1961. He has some compelling thoughts on mental health. All psychological problems have spiritual solutions. Happy New Year to all and may a peace that surpasses all understanding be with you. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Something Different
This Christmas season try something different for a movie experience. Go see a performing arts group that presents via a movie theater. Last weekend I saw “Don Giovanni” by W. A. Mozart and it was a rebroadcast of a live performance from the opening night of a new production at the La Scala Opera House in Milan, Italy. The theater, in Kansas City, Missouri, was the Tivoli and though it was a little long, it was very good and featured very famous singers. There are other shows during this Christmas season including “The Magic Flute” by Mozart and the ballet “Sleeping Beauty” by Tchaikovsky. “Don Giovanni” is quite a character for psychological study because though he is quite charming, he is really only out for his own pleasure. There is probably more excitement for him in the actual chase/seduction than in the ultimate physical liaison with the women. He is empty inside and ultimately his life has little meaning. Hence the attempt to fill it up with something so fleeting. The opposite of “love” is “use”, not “hate”, and Don Giovanni could care less about the women’s feelings or their dignity. The lead in the La Scala production not only sang very well but he was very convincing as a man without much of a conscience. So, think about something different for Christmas. And remember, if you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
High Standards
Here are some ways a young woman can claim the respect they deserve. First, dress in a way appropriate to your dignity. Don’t walk around sending a message that your body is the best part of you. This implies that your heart, mind, and soul aren’t so important. Say with your modesty “I am worth waiting to see.” Second, refuse to sleep with a man until you have his wedding ring on your finger. If he really loves you, he will wait. The respect you have for yourself and for each other will carry over into your marriage. Third, set your standards high on who you will date. A real man will rise up to meet your standards, but if you stoop and lower yours to his, you will have much to regret. Be patient, amazing men do exist! Lastly be willing to confront any guy who ogles you with his eyes or touches you inappropriately. Firmly and respectfully (and maybe in private) let him know that this is completely unacceptable. Parents do not be afraid to talk to your sons and daughters about this sensitive issue. It can save everyone a lot of heartache. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Christmas Message from Lamar
History is full of men who claim that they came from God, or that they were gods, or that they bore messages from God-Buddha, Mohammed, Confucius, Christ, Lao-tze, and thousands of others, right down to the person who founded a new religion this very day. Each of them does have a right to be heard and considered. But there needs to be some measure by which men and women can decide whether any of these claimants are justified in their claims. There are two kinds of tests which can unveil the truth: reason and history. Reason because everyone possesses it, even those without faith, and history because everyone lives in it and should know something about it.
Reason dictates that if any of these people actually came from God then the least thing that God could do is to pre-announce His coming. If someone was coming with a vitally important message for all men and women, then God would first let people know His messenger was coming, where He would be born, where He would live, the doctrine He would teach, the enemies He would make, the program He would adopt for the future, and the manner of His death. One could judge the validity of a person’s claim by the extent to which the messenger confirmed these announcements. From time to time each one of us must prove our identity whether via a driver’s license, passport, or a birth certificate. There were no predictions about Buddha, Confucius, Lao-tze, Mohammed, or for that matter anyone else but Jesus Christ.
The prophecies of the Old Testament can be best understood in the light of their fulfillment and can anyone doubt that the ancient predictions point to Jesus Christ and the kingdom which he established? In the Septuagint (the ancient Greek translation of the Hebrew Bible) one finds a clear prediction of the virgin birth of the Messiah; in Isaiah chapter 53 there is a prophecy about the patient sufferer, the Servant of the Lord, who will lay down his life as a guilt-offering for his people’s offenses; and the perspectives of the glorious, everlasting kingdom of the House of David. Whom but Christ has these prophecies found in their fulfillment?
In pagan testimony (another historical source to consider) Tacitus, a Roman historian (AD 56-117) mentions that “from Judea was to come the Master and Ruler of the world” and he mentions Christ and the Christians explicitly in his Annals (AD 116). The Greeks expected Him and how did the Magi from the East know of His coming except through prophecy? Plato and Socrates spoke of the Logos and the Universal Wise Man “yet to come.” Even Confucius spoke of the “Saint.” In the Fourth Eclogue of Virgil (70 BC- 19 BC) there is mention of a “chaste woman, smiling on her infant boy, with whom this iron age would pass away.” So what separates Christ from all men is that first He was expected and even the Gentiles (the non-Jews) had a longing for a deliverer, or redeemer. This fact alone distinguishes Jesus Christ from all other religious leaders.
Jesus Christ struck history with such an impact that He split it in two, dividing it into two periods: one before His coming, the other after it. Even those who deny God must date their attacks upon Christ, A.D. so and so, or so many years after His coming. Jesus came into the world to die because that was the goal and fulfillment of His life, the gold He was seeking. Very few of His words or actions are intelligible without reference to His Cross. He was not merely a teacher but a Savior. One can “teach” men to be good but He “gave” men the power to be good, after rescuing mankind from the frustration of guilt.
For Christians worldwide the next four Sundays mark Advent, a time of waiting for the birth of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. For those who do not believe, or perhaps do not understand, it is a time of waiting to turn the page on a new year. A very wise man said that all psychological problems have spiritual solutions. Consider looking into the life of Jesus Christ using your reason and the evidence of history. Good men do not lie and if Christ is all that He said he was, namely “the Son of the Living God and the Word of God in the flesh,” then He is either telling the truth or He is the greatest deceiver who ever lived. In this time of Advent (waiting) whether for the birth of Christ or the page to turn on another New Year, please give consideration of who you want to follow. Christ stepped into the breach of death for us, he crushed sin, and he lifted our gloom and despair. He is the only leader worth following in these unpredictable times. God Bless during this season of Advent and no matter where you are on your spiritual journey love goodness and reject evil.
Oremus, Lamar Hunt, Jr.
PS. I am indebted to the late Archbishop Fulton Sheen for much of the above…
Reactive/Proactive Parents
There is more to this fear of abandonment but it is important to consider for a moment antidotes to this problem that so many people encounter in this harried world. If you are a parent then guard against becoming a reactive parent. Instead become a proactive parent. The lessons you want your children to learn are often taught best during times of emotional intensity. It is easy to learn the truth about things on an intellectual level but if the lesson is not reinforced during times of emotional intensity, it is probably not learned. Ask yourself this, “Can your child behave in a balanced, emotionally healthy way when chaos and pressure break out?” It is primarily within the volcano of emotional stress where children learn about themselves and others. For a good example of how this can be done, see the movie “The Descendants” with George Clooney and watch carefully how his character reacts to the unfolding tragedy in his life. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Do You Have a Loving Relationship?
There three components of a loving relationship are: (1) having an emotional connection with others, (2) being able to disclose private thoughts and feelings, and (3) participating in nonsexual touch. When you demonstrate or show sensitivity and responsiveness to the feelings of others it creates emotional connection. It implies not only understanding but also empathy, the ability to see the world through another’s eyes. Disclosure is the cornerstone of intimacy. Think “in-to-me-see.” We become vulnerable when we share out most intimate and personal thoughts and experiences with those we are connected to. Lastly, everyone needs touch especially kids. Nonsexual touch is linked to the release of oxytocin. Oxytocin is called the “cuddled hormone”. If you are in need of marriage counseling or need some counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Priorities and Demands
How often have you been in a situation where later you wished you had said something differently? Maybe you regretted what you said or you just didn’t speak up when you should have. Relationships that are neglected can create an enormous amount of stress. This stress then increases emotional vulnerability and the relationship can quickly go downhill from there. The longer a relationship remains neglected, the harder it is to repair. The ability to repair a “rupture” in a relationship is of primary importance. The key is to balance priorities versus demands in life and relationships. Priorities are those things important to you, things you want to do or get done. Demands are those things other people want you to do, things other people want done. Most troubles with priorities and demands are due to your own priorities conflicting with other people’s priorities. Thus you need good interpersonal skills to maintain your own priorities and/or negotiate compromises. If you are in need of some counseling or know someone who does, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
The Grace of Marriage
The key to making changes in a marriage is to see your spouse as God’s son or daughter. Your spouse and you are someone Jesus Christ died for and thus you both are part of God’s flock, a part of His handiwork in the Kingdom. Your spouse is worthy of your respect at all times. Spouses can work through each other to accomplish God’s work. Spouses can influence each other to the good. If you want to influence someone to be more Christ-like then you need to become more Christ-like yourself. A spouse’s behavior should be exemplified by a single word: grace. Grace heals. The hallmark of grace is forgiveness, and one aspect of forgiveness is the attitude of “I am giving up my right to retaliation, my right to hurt you back.” If your spouse has given you every reason for withdrawing, pursuing, or fighting, forgiveness means just letting it go. You are going to cancel the debt. However cancelling a debt is just part of forgiveness. The other part is establishing an appropriate relationship. That means not being foolish or inviting more hurt but having enough courage to take risks and to be vulnerable. Share those parts of yourself you have been keeping locked away…secret feelings, risky opinions, times when you risk rejection but share an idea anyway. If you are in need of marriage counseling or need some counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.