The Healing of Forgiveness – Part Seven

Excusing is the opposite of forgiving. We excuse people when we understand that they were not to blame but we forgive people for things we blame them for. We excuse all if we understand all. Excusing takes insight. Think of the reasons you could submit to show another person that you were not to blame for the rotten thing you did. Perhaps the fault is in your DNA and thus you need to be re-engineered! Or perhaps the fault lies in your psychic conditioning where you had a crazy upbringing and your father was passive-aggressive and your mother was Bipolar. If they made you what you are today then you do not need forgiving, you may however need therapy! Or it could be that the culture made you what you are. You were conditioned to do whatever in your culture gave you pleasure and to avoid whatever in your culture caused you pain. The culture that formed you can be changed. It is when we admit the mystery of another person’s free choice when we come to where the crisis of forgiveness lies. Forgiveness is tough. Excusing is easy. It is a mistake to confuse forgiving with being mushy, soft, gutless, and so understanding. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

The Healing of Forgiveness – Part Six

When we forgive someone it does not mean we forget the hurtful act. Forgetting is not part of the package of forgiveness. In fact if you forget, you will not forgive at all. You can never forgive people for things they have done to you if you have forgotten about it. You need to forgive precisely because you have not forgotten what someone did. Your memory keeps the pain alive long after the actual hurt has stopped. To remember is to tap into the storage of pain and it is why you need to be healed in the first place. Forgetting could be an unhealthy way to escape the inner surgery of the heart that we call forgiving. There are two kinds of pain that we forget:  hurts too trivial to bother about and pains too horrible for our memory to manage. The pains we dare not remember are the unhealthiest of all because we are fearful to face something horrible that once hurt us. We attempt to stuff the horrible experience into the black holes of our unconscious but it will come back disguised perhaps like a demon wearing an angel’s face. Only when we have been healed can we in essence forget. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

The Healing of Forgiveness – Part Five

Forgiveness is about the transformation of people rather than about certain therapeutic techniques. People need time to uncover anger, especially anger that has dwelt with the person for years. Forgiveness involves seeing the offender in new ways and allowing the feeling of empathy to emerge.  If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.