When we forgive someone it does not mean we forget the hurtful act. Forgetting is not part of the package of forgiveness. In fact if you forget, you will not forgive at all. You can never forgive people for things they have done to you if you have forgotten about it. You need to forgive precisely because you have not forgotten what someone did. Your memory keeps the pain alive long after the actual hurt has stopped. To remember is to tap into the storage of pain and it is why you need to be healed in the first place. Forgetting could be an unhealthy way to escape the inner surgery of the heart that we call forgiving. There are two kinds of pain that we forget: hurts too trivial to bother about and pains too horrible for our memory to manage. The pains we dare not remember are the unhealthiest of all because we are fearful to face something horrible that once hurt us. We attempt to stuff the horrible experience into the black holes of our unconscious but it will come back disguised perhaps like a demon wearing an angel’s face. Only when we have been healed can we in essence forget. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
The Healing of Forgiveness – Part Five
Forgiveness is about the transformation of people rather than about certain therapeutic techniques. People need time to uncover anger, especially anger that has dwelt with the person for years. Forgiveness involves seeing the offender in new ways and allowing the feeling of empathy to emerge. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
The Healing of Forgiveness – Part Four
“When you come upon your enemy’s ox or ass going astray, see to it that it is returned to him. When you notice the ass of one who hates you lying prostrate under its burden, by no means desert him; help him, rather, to raise it up.” Exodus, Chapter 23, Verse 4. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
The Healing of Forgiveness – Part Three
In the Bible the book of Exodus introduces the 10 commandments but it also introduces a whole slew of laws perhaps serving as a deeper insight into how to live the commandments. Forgiveness is embedded in many religious traditions including Jewish, Islamic, Buddhist, and Hindu. The cosmic perspective might ask a client to see an offender in a broad, spiritual context and ask questions like, “Is this person loved by God?” or “Where do you think that person will go when he or she dies?” or even “Do you think that person is capable of being transformed and showing genuine goodness?” In 1991 a Gallup poll found that more than 80% of Americans believe that they cannot forgive “deeply from the heart without God’s help.” If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
The Healing of Forgiveness – Part Two
Forgiveness is a tool for resolving excessive anger in a variety of contexts and disorders. As stated before, forgiveness had been shown to decrease anger, anxiety, and depression and increase an individual’s sense of hope and self-esteem. Many individuals come to therapy because they have experienced considerable injustice from others, sometimes over years. Forgiveness is one of the direct routes to dealing with anger born out of injustice in a way that is constructive and healing. Forgiveness therapy is straightforward and many are now asking for this sort of help, “How do I forgive someone who has hurt me so badly?” Forgiveness therapy offers explicit approaches for altering thoughts about past events and people who have been unfair to an individual. Forgiveness therapy is a way for both client and therapist to examine situations where the client was (or still is) treated unfairly for the express purpose of helping the person to understand the offender, to learn to slowly let go of anger with this person and, over time, to make a moral response of goodness toward the offender(s). If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
The Healing of Forgiveness – Part One
For the next several posts, I thought we might consider the topic of forgiveness because simply put, people who forgive someone can greatly improve their emotional health. Research has shown (Dr. Robert Enright) that people who forgive can decrease anger, anxiety, and depression and increase self-esteem and hope following a forgiveness intervention. Forgiveness may be important in people’s emotional healing from events and relationships that cause considerable suffering even if these individuals do not have a psychiatric disorder per se. Some usual ideas about forgiveness fall into such categories such as “move on with your life” or “let go of the resentment.” However forgiveness of deep offenses from other people can be psychologically healing in many ways. Forgiveness has a specific task: to help people overcome resentment, bitterness, and even hatred toward people who have treated them unfairly and at times cruelly. Forgiveness is a specialist in quelling the kind of anger that debilitates the injured or wounded individual. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Have a Real Happy New Year
You are happy and mentally healthy if you enjoy being with most of the people you know especially family and friends. Generally you like people and are more than willing to help an unhappy family member, friend, or colleague to feel better. You lead a generally tension-free life, laugh a lot, and rarely suffer from the aches and pains that so many accept as the unavoidable parts of living. You enjoy life and have no trouble accepting that others are different from you. The last thing that should come to your mind is to criticize or try to change another person. You are creative in what you attempt and may enjoy more of your potential that you thought was possible. Since no one can be happy all of the time, even in difficult situations you know you are unhappy and you will attempt to do something about it. Consider those who have physical handicaps, this can often be a great occasion to witness sheer joy on the face of another human being. If you are curious about mental health read “The Myth of Mental Illness” by Thomas Szasz published in 1961. He has some compelling thoughts on mental health. All psychological problems have spiritual solutions. Happy New Year to all and may a peace that surpasses all understanding be with you. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
A New New Year’s Resolution
How about a New Year’s resolution of getting to know yourself better. Take the Meyers-Briggs Type Inventory (MBTI) and find out your four letter type. Then read about that type and learn more about yourself. Our personalities can be seen as having two aspects, our temperament and character. Our temperament looks carefully at our inclinations such as why are some people inclined to stay at parties until the sun comes up and why others run out of gas and want to retreat back to their homes. Some are fueled by the incessant social contact, others are ready to call it a night. Your four-letter temperament type can be said to be likened to your thumbprint. Each of us is a unique, unrepeatable act of God with the cooperation of our parents. In the play “Pygmalion” by George Bernard Shaw (turned into a very famous musical entitled “My Fair Lady”), the protagonist strives to create a person just like him. Henry Higgins as he works with Eliza Doolittle in “My Fair Lady” to remake her over in his image finally exclaims in frustration, “Why can’t she just be like me!” Eliza has her own inclinations on how to go about doing things. In a family it is important to be aware of our spouse’s and children’s temperaments. If we continually try to make our spouses and children do things based on our own inclinations, this can well breed some resentment on their part over time. They have their own inclinations on how to get things done. Learn to appreciate their approach to things. Seek to understand rather than to be understood. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
Something Different
This Christmas season try something different for a movie experience. Go see a performing arts group that presents via a movie theater. Last weekend I saw “Don Giovanni” by W. A. Mozart and it was a rebroadcast of a live performance from the opening night of a new production at the La Scala Opera House in Milan, Italy. The theater, in Kansas City, Missouri, was the Tivoli and though it was a little long, it was very good and featured very famous singers. There are other shows during this Christmas season including “The Magic Flute” by Mozart and the ballet “Sleeping Beauty” by Tchaikovsky. “Don Giovanni” is quite a character for psychological study because though he is quite charming, he is really only out for his own pleasure. There is probably more excitement for him in the actual chase/seduction than in the ultimate physical liaison with the women. He is empty inside and ultimately his life has little meaning. Hence the attempt to fill it up with something so fleeting. The opposite of “love” is “use”, not “hate”, and Don Giovanni could care less about the women’s feelings or their dignity. The lead in the La Scala production not only sang very well but he was very convincing as a man without much of a conscience. So, think about something different for Christmas. And remember, if you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.
High Standards
Here are some ways a young woman can claim the respect they deserve. First, dress in a way appropriate to your dignity. Don’t walk around sending a message that your body is the best part of you. This implies that your heart, mind, and soul aren’t so important. Say with your modesty “I am worth waiting to see.” Second, refuse to sleep with a man until you have his wedding ring on your finger. If he really loves you, he will wait. The respect you have for yourself and for each other will carry over into your marriage. Third, set your standards high on who you will date. A real man will rise up to meet your standards, but if you stoop and lower yours to his, you will have much to regret. Be patient, amazing men do exist! Lastly be willing to confront any guy who ogles you with his eyes or touches you inappropriately. Firmly and respectfully (and maybe in private) let him know that this is completely unacceptable. Parents do not be afraid to talk to your sons and daughters about this sensitive issue. It can save everyone a lot of heartache. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.