Tag Archives: people pleaser

Is the Sky Really Falling?

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For more than 40 years the public has been bombarded with apocalyptic tales of disaster regarding population growth. Paul Ehrlich, a prominent “so-called” prophet of population doom, predicted in 1968 that millions of people would die from starvation in the 1970’s. He later predicted that the death-toll estimates would increase to a billion people dying from starvation by the mid-1980’s. These famines never materialized and though there are still too many people who remain hungry, agricultural advances have fought off massive famines. Most measures of human welfare show the Earth’s population is better off today than at any other time in human history. Life expectancy is increasing, per-capita income is rising, and the air that we breathe and the water we drink are cleaner. And, ironically, concerns expressed in the 1970’s about the earth’s climate headed toward the next ice age have now been turned to concerns of global warming and melting ice caps. Stanford economist, Paul Romer says, “Every generation has underestimated the potential for finding new recipes and ideas. We consistently fail to grasp how many ideas remain to be discovered. Possibilities do not add up; they multiply.”

The trouble with the “sky-is-falling” claims is that they can lead to costly and restrictive government regulations and media biases. Ehrlich thinks that the government should have a greater role in family planning and he demands that the media start educating the public every day “on the role played by the unsustainable human numbers behind environmental degradation and human calamities.” He claims that the public needs a constant message of “it is time to stop growing and become sustainable.” In fact the opposite is quite true, as government regulations and media propaganda will suffocate the kind of advances that have only helped improve environmental conditions and human well-being. Why won’t these “prophets” of environmental gloom just go away? For more information read “Greener than Thou: Are You Really an Environmentalist?” by Terry L. Anderson and Laura Higgins who deserve all the credit for their wise insights. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

What Makes A Marriage Work

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Marriage has the power to sanctify (make holy) each person in the marriage. A couple cannot love each other just based on their own power and initiative. There must be a vital and shared prayer life because faith changes everything. There is a heroic generosity in working for the good of the other person.

As a starting point both individuals in a marriage need to develop their Christian identity. This means a set of values and asking yourself the question of, “Would you live out those values if a camera were on you?” Values are a reflection of your choices and actions. It is a clear sense of your mission.

Couples should start with a “Marital Mission Statement” and asked themselves who they are in relationships with people. If you don’t know what qualities to work on look at Galatians Chapter 5, verses 22-23. Typically the qualities of patience, gentleness, generosity, and self-control need to be worked on marital relationships.

Next, get practical and write it down. If one partner has difficulty with their temper (i.e. patience) then the other partner needs to know how to respond to outbursts of temper. Make sure it is about the quality or virtue you each want to work and remember you are there to help be a source of grace for your partner’s emotional and spiritual growth. Attacks on a partner’s character have no place in a marriage. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

Sexual Addiction – Part Four

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So what does a “perfect storm” look like for a sex addict? First the truth emerges. Addiction can only thrive in deception. Sex addiction requires compartmentalization and duplicity. Addicts typically believe in secrecy as the solution. Yet there are no secrets. Something happens to expose the reality and this creates a strong reaction in those around the addict. Second there is damage control by the addict which only makes it worse. Addicts will acknowledge the truth in bits and pieces as they have to. They will resort to dishonesty in the hope that no more facts come out. Then as more facts emerge, they have to admit to more lying which in turn further undermines whatever credibility they have. Spouses often refer to this as Chinese Water Torture. They are worn down by the dishonesty. Next the spouse or loved one becomes a seasoned private investigator. Armed with a heightened sense of distrust and anxiety the loved one becomes obsessed with the addict. They become “forensic” accountants in an effort to find out the truth. Unfortunately they are usually rewarded with more to discover. When an addict discloses the truth or even part of it, the net effect on the spouse is traumatic because it involves “sex” and the wounding is thus “amplified.” It is by comparison easier to understand if someone chooses alcohol over you, but if the disease is about other sexual partners, it is harder to accept. Yet truth and full disclosure does help because it lays bare that the addict clearly has a problem.  If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

The Conscience

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So where does conscience come into play with this issue of whether one complies or not with an unjust law? Conscience is the interior voice of a human being, within whose heart the inner law of God is inscribed. Moral conscience is a judgment of practical reason about the moral quality of a human action. It moves a person at the appropriate moment to do good and avoid evil. Consider these words of John Henry Cardinal Newman, “Conscience is a messenger of Him, who, both in nature and in grace, speaks to us behind a veil, and teaches and rules by his representatives. Conscience is the aboriginal vicar of Christ.” Man has in his heart a law inscribed by God. Our conscience is man’s most secret core and sanctuary. Here are three things to consider: A conscience must be “informed” and moral judgment “enlightened”; the education of conscience is a lifelong task; and in the formation of conscience the “Word of God” is the light for our path. Now for three simple rules that apply in every case: 1) One may never do evil so that good may result from it; 2) Whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them; and 3) “Thus sinning against your brethren and wounding their conscience…you sin against Christ.” (1 COR 8:12) Anyone who is confronted by situations that make moral judgments less assured and decisions difficult must seriously seek what is right and good and discern the will of God expressed in divine law. To force the Catholic Church in the United States to comply with the HHS mandates is to force evil upon people whether they are believers or not because these mandates strike at the heart of the dignity of each and every human being. Catholics are not only fighting for their God-given rights but are also fighting for those who do not have a voice, the unborn and innocent. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

People Pleasers Part Two

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The problem with being a “people pleaser” is that no one can please everyone all the time and children who try to do this walk through their childhoods as if on eggshells. The slightest misstep for these children seems to destine them for anger, disappointment, or even rejection. A “fragile self” develops and the child is filled with strong but ambivalent emotions. Sometimes they feel intense love, sometimes intense hate. A person with an ambivalent attachment style evolves from an emotionally brittle climate that revolves around two opposing poles: one of living on borrowed time and that at any moment they will be left on their own to fend for themselves, or one of being smothered in hugs and good feelings and knowing they have never lived in a better, more caring environment. There is the momentary assurance of believing that no one who loves this much could ever leave them.  If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

People Pleasers Part One

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Have you ever heard the expression, “people pleasers?” Sadly some children grow up continually playing this game as they wonder how their parents feel toward them. They are preoccupied with Mom and/or Dad’s feelings towards them: Do they love me or not? There is tentativeness in their mind and the child is not sure where they stand. Why is this so? Because from early on in their lives they have struggled with the notion that their parents might leave them. As a result, perpetual “people pleasers” mold themselves to their parents expectations and then later to the expectations of others they love. They become dancers who are always on a stage.  If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.