Tag Archives: forgive

What Makes A Marriage Work

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Marriage has the power to sanctify (make holy) each person in the marriage. A couple cannot love each other just based on their own power and initiative. There must be a vital and shared prayer life because faith changes everything. There is a heroic generosity in working for the good of the other person.

As a starting point both individuals in a marriage need to develop their Christian identity. This means a set of values and asking yourself the question of, “Would you live out those values if a camera were on you?” Values are a reflection of your choices and actions. It is a clear sense of your mission.

Couples should start with a “Marital Mission Statement” and asked themselves who they are in relationships with people. If you don’t know what qualities to work on look at Galatians Chapter 5, verses 22-23. Typically the qualities of patience, gentleness, generosity, and self-control need to be worked on marital relationships.

Next, get practical and write it down. If one partner has difficulty with their temper (i.e. patience) then the other partner needs to know how to respond to outbursts of temper. Make sure it is about the quality or virtue you each want to work and remember you are there to help be a source of grace for your partner’s emotional and spiritual growth. Attacks on a partner’s character have no place in a marriage. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

Where Do You Stand? Part Three

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In 1997 a freshman senator from Pennsylvania leveled strong criticism at Catholic Charities because the organization was opposed to welfare-reform legislation. Rick Santorum said welfare hurt rather than helped poor families. So Catholic Charities made a Faustian deal with the U.S. government meaning “we will take your support and turn a blind eye to some of the discrepancies we are noticing in some of your anti-life policies.” And on and on it went until we had a startling statement in 2009 from Sister Carol Keehan the head of the Catholic Health Association, “The Catholic Health Association applauds the US House of Representatives and President Obama for enacting health care legislation that will bring security and health to millions of American families.” The only problem with her boldness in proclaiming this was the fact that the U.S. Catholic Bishops opposed the legislation fearing significant conflict with the church’s beliefs. So we arrive at the point where the government demands that the Catholic Church continue with its limitless acts of virtue while the government expects limitless compliance to policies that crush life in innumerable ways. Pope John Paul II stood on American soil and stated that the West is a “culture of death.” Why didn’t we take him seriously and perhaps with childlike innocence look to that firm hand of correction with a more open and teachable attitude? Selfishness and self-love dominate our culture while charity almost seems an aberration. Why didn’t someone tell Sister Keehan that she does not speak for the Catholic Church? So many well-intentioned people get confused by these types of remarks. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

The Conscience

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So where does conscience come into play with this issue of whether one complies or not with an unjust law? Conscience is the interior voice of a human being, within whose heart the inner law of God is inscribed. Moral conscience is a judgment of practical reason about the moral quality of a human action. It moves a person at the appropriate moment to do good and avoid evil. Consider these words of John Henry Cardinal Newman, “Conscience is a messenger of Him, who, both in nature and in grace, speaks to us behind a veil, and teaches and rules by his representatives. Conscience is the aboriginal vicar of Christ.” Man has in his heart a law inscribed by God. Our conscience is man’s most secret core and sanctuary. Here are three things to consider: A conscience must be “informed” and moral judgment “enlightened”; the education of conscience is a lifelong task; and in the formation of conscience the “Word of God” is the light for our path. Now for three simple rules that apply in every case: 1) One may never do evil so that good may result from it; 2) Whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them; and 3) “Thus sinning against your brethren and wounding their conscience…you sin against Christ.” (1 COR 8:12) Anyone who is confronted by situations that make moral judgments less assured and decisions difficult must seriously seek what is right and good and discern the will of God expressed in divine law. To force the Catholic Church in the United States to comply with the HHS mandates is to force evil upon people whether they are believers or not because these mandates strike at the heart of the dignity of each and every human being. Catholics are not only fighting for their God-given rights but are also fighting for those who do not have a voice, the unborn and innocent. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

Oppose This Proposed Mandate

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Catholic Christians (and for that matter all people serious about the dignity of the human person) face a very serious attack on individual conscience rights and religious liberty undertaken by the Obama administration. The Catholic Bishops of the U.S. (including Archbishop Joseph Naumann of the Archdiocese of Kansas City in Kansas) oppose a U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) mandate that is part of the 2010 federal health care reform act-the Patient Protection and Affordability Act. Under HHS rules, all private health care plans will be required to cover contraception and sterilization as preventative care for women. All contraceptive methods-including certain abortifacients-would be covered without co-pays or other cost sharing. Thus Catholic employers will be forced to offer their employees health coverage that includes sterilization, abortion-inducing drugs, and contraception. This is an impossible situation that Catholics (and I hope other serious minded Christians) cannot accept and must resist. This is an unjust law and Archbishop Naumann has stated that “We cannot-we will not-comply with this unjust law.” I am reminded that in the Gospel when faced with overwhelming evil, Christ cajoled us to pray and fast. Also please contact your congressman or senator and insist this legislation be overturned. To borrow the words from a recent movie release, Christians need to unite and be “extremely loud and incredibly close” to this situation. Even if you think your political representatives believe what you believe, they need a show of courage and strength on the part of believers. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

The Weight of Your Behavior

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If we are not careful we will find ourselves accompanied often by some of the most cherished, but dangerous, earthly companions: Power, Prestige, and Pleasure. Dr. Rob Gilbert notes, “First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits, or they will eventually conquer you.” Pietri Bandinelli was an attractive young man with clear eyes and a kind face. Leonardo da Vinci chose him to be his Jesus model for his painting “The Lord’s (or Last) Supper.” Years later Leonardo had not yet completed the painting but one day was finally moved to go to the slums of Milan, Italy and look for a model for Judas. After looking for about an hour, he found the perfect man. His eyes were cloudy and his face was harsh. A short time later while the man was posing he was asked by Leonardo if they had met before and the man responded that yes indeed they had, he was in fact the Jesus model. He went on to reveal that much had changed in his life since then, not much of it for the good. We can grow very weak under the weight of our misdeeds but they are being noted, tied all together, hung around our neck, and we will grow very weak beneath the weight of these deeds. Look carefully at power and control issues in your life. Are you overreaching? Do you seek notoriety to bring attention to yourself? What personal vices do you need to rid yourself of? A vice can seemingly start out as very pleasurable and rewarding but it soon can become a source of serious concern and trouble for a person. Excessive drinking, drugs, pornography, promiscuous sex, shopping, and gambling are all very serious vices and not easy habits to discard. These become vices because the individual is attempting to replace genuine human relationships with “things” that produce a fleeting reward with troubling consequences. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

The Hard Drive in Our Minds

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Albert Camus said, “I shall tell you a secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day.” Some time ago it was reported that a Dr. Wilder Penfield of Montreal’s Neurological Institute discovered that certain sites in the brain when stimulated electrically led one patient to hear an old melody he thought he had long ago forgotten and another patient to relive the experience of having her baby (oh boy!). His findings convinced some scientists that every action of our life is recorded in our brain and that even our thoughts and feelings about our actions at the time we did them are also recorded. Could there then be solid psychological support for the biblical teaching of judgment after death? A lot of people would rather try to forget certain things but the memory is etched on the hard drive of your brain much like wherever go on the Internet is also recorded on your computer’s internal hard drive. It sure does matter what a person does with the time given him/her by God. The very famous sportswriter Grantland Rice said, “When the One Great Scorer comes to write against your name, He writes-not that you won or lost-but how you played the game.” We should be concerned about God’s judgment when we die because no one escapes it and no one will get the VIP treatment. A way to start with examining your conscience is by spending a few minutes each day replaying your day and picking out a high point and then a low point and recognizing the need for God’s forgiveness and the grace to respond better the next time. Finally look ahead to tomorrow and focus on a critical point like a difficult thing you must do, and talk to the Holy Spirit asking for guidance with that difficult thing. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

Today’s Temptation

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The word to “tempt” is not always used of an evil person or situation urging a good person to do wrong. When Jesus is tempted by Satan while in the desert he quotes Deuteronomy 6:16 by responding with “Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God” where the verb “tempt” has some such meaning as “try God’s patience” or almost to “ask for trouble.” However when we say we are tempted, it means that our free will is attracted. In Scripture, to be tempted means that the will is being subjected to a test, not that our free will is attracted. So was Christ tempted in the modern sense of the word? Christ’s temptation in the desert can be seen as one of Satan “thrusting” and Jesus only warding off the thrusts much like in fencing. In the episode of the temptation in the desert, Jesus uses His own words only once (the rest he quotes all from Deuteronomy) as he says, “Begone, Satan.” Satan did go away but only “until the time” when he returns for Jesus’ Passion. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

The Healing of Forgiveness – Part Eight

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Some people hinder the hard work of forgiving by smothering confrontation. In other words, when they are in charge, they never let people heal conflict through forgiving. Parents can often be guilty of this by shushing us or soothing us and assuring us that whatever makes us mad is not worth raising a fuss about. Parents can get in the way between us and those who did us wrong by either always protecting, always pinning down the arms of our rage, or forever pacifying us. Parents say, “Forgive and forget” and what they really mean is, “Don’t make a fuss, I can’t stand the noise.” Don’t confuse the technique of smoothing things over with the high art of forgiving those who transgress against us. Smothering conflict is not the same as helping people forgive each other. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

The Healing of Forgiveness – Part Seven

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Excusing is the opposite of forgiving. We excuse people when we understand that they were not to blame but we forgive people for things we blame them for. We excuse all if we understand all. Excusing takes insight. Think of the reasons you could submit to show another person that you were not to blame for the rotten thing you did. Perhaps the fault is in your DNA and thus you need to be re-engineered! Or perhaps the fault lies in your psychic conditioning where you had a crazy upbringing and your father was passive-aggressive and your mother was Bipolar. If they made you what you are today then you do not need forgiving, you may however need therapy! Or it could be that the culture made you what you are. You were conditioned to do whatever in your culture gave you pleasure and to avoid whatever in your culture caused you pain. The culture that formed you can be changed. It is when we admit the mystery of another person’s free choice when we come to where the crisis of forgiveness lies. Forgiveness is tough. Excusing is easy. It is a mistake to confuse forgiving with being mushy, soft, gutless, and so understanding. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.

The Healing of Forgiveness – Part Six

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When we forgive someone it does not mean we forget the hurtful act. Forgetting is not part of the package of forgiveness. In fact if you forget, you will not forgive at all. You can never forgive people for things they have done to you if you have forgotten about it. You need to forgive precisely because you have not forgotten what someone did. Your memory keeps the pain alive long after the actual hurt has stopped. To remember is to tap into the storage of pain and it is why you need to be healed in the first place. Forgetting could be an unhealthy way to escape the inner surgery of the heart that we call forgiving. There are two kinds of pain that we forget:  hurts too trivial to bother about and pains too horrible for our memory to manage. The pains we dare not remember are the unhealthiest of all because we are fearful to face something horrible that once hurt us. We attempt to stuff the horrible experience into the black holes of our unconscious but it will come back disguised perhaps like a demon wearing an angel’s face. Only when we have been healed can we in essence forget. If you or someone you know may need counseling, please contact Lamar Hunt Jr. or see his website at http://lamarhuntjrcounseling.com/.